I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
