Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize