I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
only if we run a train.
done.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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