Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
