As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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