so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
