As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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