I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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