Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
