i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
