In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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