Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
