you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
