my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
birth control should be required to get into college
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
