Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
So squirting runs in the family.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize