She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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