when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
