He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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