Say something about gay babies.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
