I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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