Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize