Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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