were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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