flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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