I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
