Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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