Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Hippo gnu deer
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
