there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
