I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize