He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
