Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
