So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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