Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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