Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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