well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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