Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
