Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
