her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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