So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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