No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
