just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
