I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
fuck your aforementioned shoe
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
