Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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