lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
