I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
