Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
