So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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