my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize