The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize