This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
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