Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
