turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize