I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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