the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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