She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
