I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
