Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
