I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
