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you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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