I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just gargled with NyQuil
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
