Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
