I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
