I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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