nut hugger
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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