My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
