No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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