Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
