My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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