I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
