SEEEEXXX PLEASE
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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