He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Just puked most of my soul out..
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
