I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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