I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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