and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Oh god it's open bar.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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