He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
