I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize