I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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