in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
