someone threw a dead crab at me
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize