did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
