Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize