I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
