you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize